I try desperately to think of Nothing because, to me, Nothing is everything. I lay on my floor and stare at the ceiling, knowing that, for me, thinking of absolutely nothing is impossible. But I try anyway.

As a tear sneaks its way out of my tired eyes, snaking its way down my face, I try to stop breathing. My heart hurts so I try so hard to stop breathing. I know that's impossible, too. But I try anyway.

I don't try to be perfect. Gave up on that a long time ago. But I try real hard to be the best I can and give everyone my Everything. Because to me Nothing is everything. So I give everything away in hopes of finding Nothing. Although I've learned that Nothing doesn't make you smile and nothing can't keep you warm at night when you're all alone on your bedroom floor, staring at your ceiling, trying to stop breathing. In fact Nothing just makes you cry and wish that Anything and Everything would come and take you away. Nothing's not good for much. It's really just a feeble attempt at escaping Everything.

Maybe that's all everyone does anymore. They either try to find Everything so they're distracted from the Nothing that resides in their empty hearts, or they try to discover Nothing in an attempt to escape the Everything that tortures their mind late at night. I know it's impossible to achieve a state of in-betweenness. But I try anyway.

**Tainted**